Written by Jeremy Atkins
Hello, fellow reader. Thoughout my reading of The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, I've formulated 10 journal entries of sigifiant developments in character.
1) “Only I wasn't steering anything, not even myself. I just bumped from my hotel to
work and to parties and from parties to my hotel and back to work like a numb trolleybus.
I guess I should have been excited the way most of the other girls were, but I couldn't get
myself to react. I felt very still and very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel,
moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo” (Plath 3).
Esther feels that she is losing control over her life, and cannot “get [her]self to react” to all of the thrilling opportunities she acquires through her hard work (Plath 3). Instead of being excited about living in New York City, she feels “...very still and very empty…” (Plath 3). This cloudy, murky feeling of Esther’s emphasizes how detached she feels from the real world, indicating her difficulty with establishing deep and meaningful connections with those in her life. This disconnection makes it harder for her to reach out for help when she requires it, worsening her state. As Esther faces this conflict, her inability to enjoy herself leads to her imprisonment in the “bell jar” (Plath 98). Esther later becomes depressed and loses her will to live as her desolate feelings become stronger the longer they are untreated and mistreated.
2) “I made a decision about Doreen that night. I decided I would watch her and listen to
what she said, but deep down I would have nothing at all to do with her. Deep down, I
would be loyal to Betsy and her innocent friends. It was Betsy I resembled at heart”
(Plath 13).
Doreen and Esther have been good friends since Esther began her fashion program in the city. When Doreen shows up at Esther’s doorstep, drunk and seriously in need of a caretaker, Esther feels as if she wants “...nothing at all to do with her” (Plath 13). Instead, she proclaims that she would “...be loyal to Betsy and her innocent friends” (Plath 13). Once Esther is faced with the worst qualities of Doreen, in this case, her lack of self-control, Esther immediately disregards her loyalty for Doreen, facing a shift in her character development. She decides to lead Doreen on and “...watch her and listen to what she said...” while brushing away the responsibility that comes with a friendship (Plath 13). This is the first time Esther allows herself to develop a fake loyalty, which negatively impacts her character.
3) “What I couldn’t stand was Buddy’s pretending I was so sexy and he was so pure,
when all the time he’d been having an affair with that tarty waitress and must have felt
like laughing in my face” (Plath 38).
Once Esther finds out about Buddy “...having an affair with [a] tarty waitress…” over the summer, Esther feels deceived (Plath 38). Through the surfacing of this conflict, Esther realizes that she is more disturbed about Buddy’s double life and his “...pretending [Esther is] so sexy and he [is] so pure...” than she is with the fact that Buddy cheated (Plath 38). Esther cannot stand that Buddy is able to maintain a pure, innocent reputation and that he allowed Esther to believe that she is more experienced and “sexy” than he is (Plath 38). Though Esther is responsible for a similar fraud, specifically her fake relationship with Doreen, she despises Buddy for expressing this worst trait in herself. As a result, Esther decides to break off the relationship and no longer has feelings toward Buddy. Esther’s hypocritical emotions and rash decisions demonstrate the negative aspects of her character.
4) “I thought the TB might just be a punishment for living the kind of double life Buddy
lived and feeling so superior to people… I simply told everyone that Buddy had TB and
we were practically engaged, and when I stayed in to study on Saturday nights they were
extremely kind to me because they thought I was so brave, working the way I did just to
hide a broken heart” (Plath 38).
When the news of Buddy’s condition hits Esther, rather than sorrow, she feels a “wonderful relief” (Plath 38). Esther feels that the TB Buddy catches is a proper “...punishment for living the kind of double life Buddy live[s]...”. As a result of Buddy’s fraud and his TB, Esther begins to think in dangerous, vengeful ways. Also, though Esther brakes off her relationship with Buddy because she despises the fake appearances he keeps, Esther has no problem with maintaining fake appearances herself in order to prevail. Esther openly lies about her relationship with Buddy, telling everyone that she and Buddy were “... practically engaged…” in order to gain sympathy from her peers (Plath 38). She allows herself to keep up this fake image of being “...so brave, working… just to hide a broken heart”, further establishing Esther’s tendency to lead others on (Plath 38).
5) “‘I knew my baby wasn’t like that… Like those awful people. Those awful dead
people at that hospital.’ She paused. ‘I knew you’d decide to be all right again’” (Plath
77).
When Esther tells her mother that she is finished with Doctor Gordon and his questionable methods, her mother’s response emphasizes how Esther is alone in her situation. While Esther knows there is something wrong with her, her mother makes a point to differentiate between her and the “... awful dead people at that hospital” (Plath 77). Her mother’s notion of knowing that Esther would “... decide to be alright again” further proves how mistreated Esther is, putting her in a position of feeling helpless (Plath 77). This does not improve her condition, and the lack of support ultimately drives Esther to the option of suicide.
6) “I knew I should be grateful to Mrs. Guinea, only I couldn't feel a thing. If Mrs.
Guinea had given me a ticket to Europe, or a round-the-world cruise, it wouldn't have
made one scrap of difference to me, because wherever I sat - on the deck of a ship or at a
street café in Paris or Bangkok - I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing
in my own sour air” (Plath 98).
After Esther’s stay at the hospital, she still “...sit[s] under the same glass bell jar, stewing in [her] own sour air” with little motivation to keep living (Plath 98). Esther’s poor mental state remains. Ever since Esther’s failed suicide attempt with the overdosage, Esther thinks more selfishly and heeds little concern about the effects of her decisions. While she is riding over a bridge in Mrs. Guinea’s car, on her way to a private hospital with her treatment being funded by Mrs. Guinea, she does not “feel a thing”, though she knows she “... should be grateful to Mrs. Guinea” (Plath 98). She even selfishly considers committing suicide in the presence of her donor, Mrs. Guinea. With the conflict of facing her condition, Esther undergoes character development by developing selfish tendencies and apparently caring less about getting better.
7) “Joan had walk privileges, Joan had shopping privileges, Joan had town privileges. I
gathered all my news of Joan into a little bitter heap, though I received it with surface
gladness. Joan was the beaming double of my old best self, specially designed to follow
and torment me” (Plath 108)
While Esther acknowledges that she suffers a poor mental health, she is taunted by Joan’s progress, with Joan becoming the “... beaming double of [Esther’s] old best self…” (Plath 108). This apparent jealousy reveals Esther’s hidden desire to best her condition and become herself again. She would not be disturbed by Joan’s improvements if she does not care for achieving such heights. Because of Esther’s stay at this private hospital, she improves drastically, and is even moved to Belsize, another hospital meant for those who are better, on account of her improvements. Though Esther continues to think negatively and selfishly, her condition begins to clear up.
8) “I curled up in the far corner of the alcove with the blanket over my head. It wasn't the
shock treatment that struck me, so much as the bare-faced treachery of Doctor Nolan. I
liked Doctor Nolan, I loved her, I had given her my trust on a platter and told her
everything, and she had promised, faithfully, to warn me ahead of time if ever I had to
have another shock treatment” (Plath 111).
In her time at this private hospital, Esther gets to know Doctor Nolan. Even after forcing her mother out of her hospital room, claiming she hates her, Esther’s detached personality cracks just for Doctor Nolan as she lets her into her life. Despite herself, Esther gives Doctor Nolan “... [her] trust on a platter and [tells] her everything...” (Plath 111). Esther makes Doctor Nolan promise that she will warn her beforehand if she ever has to be treated through the feared shock treatment. However, when Doctor Nolan fails to notify her the night before Esther is to have a shock treatment, Esther goes into a frenzy of emotional pain, taking the “treachery” hard (Plath 111). Esther is more distraught with the fact that Doctor Nolan goes back on her word than she is with her dread of receiving the shock treatment. Esther’s reaction shows that she actually trusts Doctor Nolan, and is capable of doing so under this stage of her condition. This development in her character proves to be the first step in her recovery, allowing her to further progress.
9) “Ever since I’d learned about the corruption of Buddy Willard my virginity weighed
like a millstone around my neck. It had been of such enormous importance to me for so
long that my habit was to defend it at all costs. I had been defending it for five years and I
was sick of it” (Plath 120).
Esther faces a conflict with herself when she begins to despise her own virginity and is determined to lose it. Being a woman of limited sexual knowledge, she feels humiliated after she realizes that Buddy really is more experienced than herself. After realizing how Buddy is so easily corrupted and how he hardly values his virginity, Esther discredits the idea of staying pure and innocent for her future husband. After she spends so many years safeguarding her virginity, what with it being “...of such enormous importance to [Esther]...”, she is “sick of it” (Plath 120). This shift in Esther’s view on her virginity ultimately causes her to lose it, all in an attempt to get even with Buddy. Esther’s rash decision to lose her virginity demonstrates the drastic character change she undergoes after she learns of Buddy’s affair; instead of guarding her virginity for an ideal, conventional marriage, Esther throws is all away on account of her vengeful nature.
10) “That's one of the reasons I never wanted to get married. The last thing I wanted was
infinite security and to be the place an arrow shoots off from. I wanted change and
excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself, like the colored arrows from a Fourth
of July rocket” (Plath 144).
Esther finds that she cannot be satisfied with any man; every time she gets close enough to one, flaws would come to light and the negative aspects would outweigh the positive ones. Esther defies convention by not wanting marriage, as she thirsts for “...change and excitement...” rather than “...infinite security...” (Plath 144). Though Esther is unable to be satisfied when it comes to men, her adventurous personality contrasts her dull feelings of numbness that keep her from enjoying her opportunities in New York City. This confirms that the numbness Esther feels is an account of a condition rather than her personality, proving that the vengeful and selfish thoughts that Esther has throughout her stay in the city are products of her declining mental health.
Jeremy Atkins is an 18-year-old writer from New Zealand. He finds inspiration from nature and the nuances of day-to-day life. He finds charm in routine and a reason to smile in the smallest details.
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