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Happily ever after? B*tch, please...

Written by Cheryl Kidder

 

“....And they all lived happily ever-” Wait, shut up. Do you ever wonder why fairy tales always
end with a happily ever after? Here is the answer: Those aren’t the real endings. They never
were. They’re all lies. All of those are highly exaggerated just so little ones don’t die from shock.
Most fairy tales don’t live with a happily ever after. Some do. But one fairy tale makes me want
to throw it off a cliff, although it is the most classic: Cinderella. Ever wonder how a fairy could
just appear out of nowhere, claim they are fairy godmothers, and just give away wishes? Guess
what. Not possible. The truth? You’re about to find out.


However, it just so happens that I don’t know the truth. But I do have the next best thing.
I have advice.


Wait, wait, wait, wait.


Are you LAUGHING at me?! LAUGHING?


Hmp. Here I am, trying to teach the next generation, yet you CRITICIZE me?!


Just shut up, would you?


Anyways, I have a small bit of advice that can actually help you learn the twisted history of these
fairy tales. Yes. I did just say history, as if something had happened in real life before. Here, you
can reread the sentence. I’ll wait. Done? Good.


Meanwhile, You want to strangle me for the number of italics I’ve put everywhere.


So, before I tell you all that, I need to inform you that this one piece of advice isn’t like any other
you’ve ever heard of. It’s not some cheesy frog poster hanging up in your science teacher’s
classroom. It’s not ‘Be yourself!’ or ‘Be a friend!’. Eww. Those literally have a gallon of cheese
melting on top of it. Literally.


This piece of advice extends into more than just one sentence, paragraph, or page. It’s so
powerful, thoroughly explaining it will take up an entire book.


This piece of advice is very important, and will even help you later on in life. It must be

understood properly, and it’s very crucial-


What?

 

What’s that you say?


You say I sound like your MATH TEACHER?!


You know what? That’s it. I’ve had it. No lesson for you, it’s your loss.


What?


What’s that?


You say I still sound like your math teacher?!


Yup. That does it. Bye.


P.S. I hope you’re proud of yourself. You were *this* close to learning one piece of advice that
could have helped you find hidden clues and connections in fairy tales. But NOOOOO- You
couldn’t help but point out how incredibly BORING I am.


So bye forever, I guess.

 

 

 

Cheryl Kidder is a sassy and enthusiastic optimist with a confident writer’s voice that can blow you away. She loves dad jokes, cheesy pick up lines, and anything that can make her roll her eyes. She lives in the San Francisco Bay area and couldn’t be better suited for it. As a 13-year-old, she’s excited to spend her first official year as a teenager writing!