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The Guilt of Living

Written by Zack K.

 

The sticky heat of summer seeped into his room, unaffected by the warding fan. Rays of sun sliced through Liam’s thick curtains and left a white, searing scar on his bedroom floor as a few birds chirped mockingly.

 

Why you? They seemed to tweet tediously. Why are you so lucky?

 

Liam lay silently on his bed, glaring at the ceiling. He could feel the lingering taste of blood on his lips, summoned by restless nights of provoking thoughts. 

 

“It kills me sometimes, the way humans die” (Zusak 464), The Book Thief

 

It was killing Liam as well. Not the way humans died, but they way they lived. The way their horrific lives, full of depression and defeat and abuse, tortured them so.

 

Of course, Liam could do nothing but allow the guilt and the heat of it all to swallow him, to chew him up and leave him to wallow in shame. It crept and scratched at his heart, and fogged his mind.

 

Why are you so lucky?

 

The guilt of living haunted Liam, keeping him up from midnight to the early hours of dawn, thinking over life’s flaws and perfections, and how evil it could be. 

 

It was all too much to think about.

 

And it was slowly killing him.

 

To think about his poor friends, their suffering lives, their horrific past… And the guilt of it all drowned Liam. It tore at him from the inside out.

 

Why are you so lucky?

 

Why hadn’t life abandoned him to it’s dark, unwelcoming corners, just as it did to so many other poor souls? 

 

Why hadn’t life stripped him of his privileges? His luck? His innocence? His happiness?

 

The guilt of living weighed his chest. It bound him to his bed.

 

Please, Liam thought painfully. Let me suffer... 


But little did he realize, he was suffering, because, really,

 

he was torturing himself.

 

 

 

Zach K is just your average 15 year old kid from Ohio. He likes to write about topics that are slightly dark and difficult to talk about (call it a morbid curiosity that’s plagued him since birth).